How to Have a Fair Fight

How to Have a Fair Fight
Blog on 10 Aug , 2017 by Raffi Bilek
Arguments are a natural part of any relationship. No two people will agree on everything all the time. Disagreements are bound to happen. Slight offenses are inevitable.  But how do you deal with them in a way that is productive and not destructive? What does a fair fight look like?Talk about yourself, not your partner This is one of the most important and most difficult shifts we have to mak...
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Can an Affair Help the Relationship?

Can an Affair Help the Relationship?
Blog on 13 Jul , 2017 by Raffi Bilek
Many people believe that infidelity unavoidably spells the end of a relationship.  However, the truth is that many relationships survive the injury of an affair, and in fact many get much better in the aftermath.  If you find yourself in this unfortunate situation, you don’t need to despair of your relationship; it can certainly be saved if both partners are willing (which, of course, is a big que...
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Baltimore’s Best Couples Counselor: Inside Business Weekly

Baltimore’s Best Couples Counselor: Inside Business Weekly
Blog on 29 Jun , 2017 by Raffi Bilek
Check out this review of our practice picked up by Inside Business Weekly!  You'll see why we're considered the place for the best couples therapy and how we can help you achieve the relationship you're looking for. Contact us today to get started! https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LEjxHCevJFU
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Parenting Tools: Noticing

Parenting Tools: Noticing
Blog on 14 Jun , 2017 by Raffi Bilek
Young children are constantly running to their parents to show them what they’re doing or playing with – “Mommy look! I put a hat on the baby doll!” “Daddy, see the picture I drew?”  Often our instinctive response is to gush how wonderful it is or how talented they are.  It’s not a terrible response – certainly better than offering a distant “oh, great” while not moving our eyes from the smartphon...
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A Simple Parenting Tool – Stories

A Simple Parenting Tool – Stories
Blog on 6 Jun , 2017 by Raffi Bilek
I’d like to share with you a handy parenting tool that is easier to use than it might sound.  It’s nothing brilliant or novel – just one of those things sitting under your nose all this time.  It’s called “stories.”  Yup, that’s it. Nothing new, right?  Well, let’s talk about how you can use them.Of course, reading bedtime stories is certainly one way to use stories as part of your parenting a...
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How Do I Get My Kids to Eat Their Vegetables?

How Do I Get My Kids to Eat Their Vegetables?
Blog on 25 May , 2017 by Raffi Bilek
Another common battleground for parents with young children is mealtime.  Getting kids to eat their proverbial veggies has been a vexing problem since time immemorial.  Just as we noted with bedtime, it’s unlikely you will ever have children who are 100% compliant with your wishes 100% of the time.  Nevertheless, there are certain steps you can take to make mealtimes easier and more pleasant for a...
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How to I Get My Kids to Go to Bed?

How to I Get My Kids to Go to Bed?
Blog on 15 May , 2017 by Raffi Bilek
If you have young children, you don’t need me to tell you what it’s like getting through bedtime.  The hassle, the arguments, the frustrations – it happens to all of us.  Don’t worry – it’s not just you!  Bedtime is often one of the most challenging times of day. And the truth is, no matter what tips and advice you get, it’s likely to be that way at least some of the time.  Nothing anyone tells yo...
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Couples Counseling: Not a Last Resort

Couples Counseling: Not a Last Resort
Blog on 8 May , 2017 by Raffi Bilek
All too frequently, the couples I see in my office for marriage counseling/couples therapy are at the end of their rope.  There has been trouble in the relationship for a long time; months, years, or even decades of fighting, harsh words, and distance have seriously worn away at their bonds of love and commitment.  They might be angry, exasperated, and hopeless.  And it is in this state that they ...
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The Five Love Languages: Finding Your Language

The Five Love Languages: Finding Your Language
Blog on 24 Apr , 2017 by Raffi Bilek
Okay, so, we’ve talked a lot about the different Love Languages. But how do you know which is yours? Below we’ll discuss a couple of ways you can try to determine which language fits you best. You and your partner can both try to figure out for yourselves, and for each other, what your love languages are and share your answers with each other. 1. It’s obvious Sometimes, one of the Languages just...
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Depression vs. Sadness and What You Can Do About It

Depression vs. Sadness and What You Can Do About It
Blog on 10 Apr , 2017 by Raffi Bilek
We're taking a break from our regularly scheduled posts on the Five Love Languages to bring you this exclusive special in which I was invited to a local TV station to do a short bit on depression.  Here's the clip with a brief discussion, with some further elaboration to follow:Depression vs. Sadness One of the questions the producers asked me about was the difference between depression and...
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The Five Love Languages: Physical Touch

The Five Love Languages: Physical Touch
Blog on 20 Mar , 2017 by Raffi Bilek
The last of the Five Love Languages is Physical Touch.  This one is in some ways very easy and in some ways very hard. It’s very easy because it’s pretty clear what we’re referring to when we say “physical touch.”  But it can also be very hard because for many people, it’s simply not natural. Let’s explore further. What it Looks Like As with all the other Love Languages, Physical Touch is for so...
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The Five Love Languages: Acts of Service

The Five Love Languages: Acts of Service
Blog on 6 Mar , 2017 by Raffi Bilek
The fourth of the Five Love Languages® is called Acts of Service.  For some people, actions indeed speak louder than words. Of course, just as with Words of Affirmation you can’t speak nicely while neglecting the other aspects of your relationship and expect to come out on top, so too it should be noted that if you constantly say nasty things to your partner while you do nice things for them you p...
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The Five Love Languages: Receiving Gifts

The Five Love Languages: Receiving Gifts
Blog on 21 Feb , 2017 by Raffi Bilek
The third Love Language is Receiving Gifts.  This one is easy to grasp, but it sometimes gets a bad rap because to some people it smacks of materialism.  In fact, a person whose Love Language is Receiving Gifts may or may not be materialistic, just the same as anyone else. There is a big difference between giving a gift to someone for whom it is the primary way of receiving love and giving a gift ...
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The Five Love Languages: Quality Time

The Five Love Languages: Quality Time
Blog on 9 Feb , 2017 by Raffi Bilek
In the last post I described the love language of Words of Affirmation.  The second language is called Quality Time, and you probably have a fair idea what that’s about without needing much a definition.  As you would expect, it means that some people primarily feel loved by spending time with you.  There are various ways this can be accomplished, as well as some pitfalls to avoid. Let’s explore. ...
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The Five Love Languages: Words of Affirmation

The Five Love Languages: Words of Affirmation
Blog on 24 Jan , 2017 by Raffi Bilek
Words of Affirmation is the first of the love languages described in Gary Chapman’s Five Love Languages system. For people whose primary love language is Words of Affirmation, it’s what you say that counts.  This of course does not mean that you can act like a slob, forget your wife’s birthday gift or cheat on your spouse as long as you say nice things while you do it. It just means that in order ...
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The Five Love Languages

The Five Love Languages
Blog on 9 Jan , 2017 by Raffi Bilek
The Five Love Languages® is a great tool for improving relationships, whether you’re at the beginning of a new relationship or you’ve been married for decades.  It is a very simple and understandable method of connecting with your significant other – as well as your children, parents, siblings, friends, and anyone else you are in a relationship with.  There is an extensive array of books, quizzes,...
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Four Ways to Identify a Bad Therapist

Four Ways to Identify a Bad Therapist
Blog on 7 Dec , 2016 by Raffi Bilek
Following up on our last post, let’s talk a bit about what possible red flags to look out for when searching for a therapist in Baltimore or anywhere else.  Unfortunately, as we mentioned last time, it’s not that hard for a nasty person to get a master’s degree and a counseling license, provided that s/he can pass tests and write papers.  And a nasty person is not what you want for a therapist.  B...
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How Do I Find a Therapist?

How Do I Find a Therapist?
Blog on 15 Nov , 2016 by Raffi Bilek
So you’re looking for a therapist in Baltimore.  Maybe you typed “Baltimore therapist” into Google and it sent you here.  But how do you find the right “Baltimore therapist” for you?  What goes in to choosing a good therapist – and not just a good therapist, but a good therapist for you?That’s an important distinction to take note of.  Research shows that virtually all modes of therapy depend...
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How Long Does Couples Counseling Take?

How Long Does Couples Counseling Take?
Blog on 3 Nov , 2016 by Raffi Bilek
This is a question I get asked all the time. How long will it take?  How many sessions do people usually need?  People rightly want to know how much time and money they will be investing into this process.  Unfortunately, there is really no way to give any useful answer to this question.  Let me explain.Imagine you call up a doctor and you tell him, “I’ve got a headache.  What will it take to ...
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Couples Counseling – What’s It All About?

Couples Counseling – What’s It All About?
Blog on 10 Oct , 2016 by Raffi Bilek
What is couples counseling? Couples counseling goes by various names: couples therapy, marriage counseling, marital therapy, relationship counseling, and more. These are all ways of framing the same process, namely, trying to help a couple (whether married or not) achieve a better level of functioning. What this means is that when one or both parties in a couple are not happy with the relationshi...
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Stop a Fight Before it Starts

Stop a Fight Before it Starts
Blog on 5 Oct , 2016 by Raffi Bilek
Ever find yourself in a situation where a fight is brewing and you know it's coming but don't know how to avoid it?  Check out this link for a post explaining just that.http://www.goodtherapy.org/blog/how-to-stop-fight-with-your-partner-before-it-starts-1004164
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Family Therapy: Parental Transitions

Family Therapy: Parental Transitions
Blog on 26 Sep , 2016 by Raffi Bilek
In the previous post we cited a number of examples of role changes that can lead to conflict in the home and the importance of family therapy for managing these transitions.  There we focused primarily on the changes experienced by the daughter in a relationship (see here for why I am using female protagonists in this discussion). However, I wanted to note that transition is really a lifelong comp...
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Mothers & Daughters: Changing Roles

Mothers & Daughters: Changing Roles
Blog on 8 Sep , 2016 by Raffi Bilek
Why do relationships between mothers and daughters that are warm, loving, and peaceable turn into battlegrounds of conflict and frustration?  What happens that causes such a drastic change, often in so short a time?The usual culprit is transition.  Life transitions are generally a period of personal instability and therefore instability in relationships. This can be felt powerfully in pare...
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Family Therapy: Parents & Children

Family Therapy: Parents & Children
Blog on 24 Aug , 2016 by Raffi Bilek
We frequently get calls for family therapy, specifically regarding troubled mother/daughter relationships.  These include young parents with school- or preschool-aged children, middle-aged women with their teenage/young adult daughters, and even up to elderly women who still struggle with having a proper relationship with their adult daughters.Why does this particular relationship so often r...
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Is Your Relationship Worth It?

Is Your Relationship Worth It?
Blog on 15 Aug , 2016 by Caitlin Chana Hill
Ever wonder whether the relationship you're in is worth the trouble?  Worth the fights, the arguments, the crying?  On one hand, you love your significant other. On the other hand, when things get rough, they get really rough.  What do you do?  How do you know?Check out this latest article at http://www.blogher.com/your-relationship-worth-it to read more about it. And, as always, contact us to...
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