All relationships have their ups and downs. Conflict is bound to knock on your doors, whether it is friendship, a romantic involvement, or an acquaintanceship. Much like with an unwanted visitor, you can’t turn it away. This is stressful, but it does not have to be damaging. In fact, if resolved healthily, conflict can strengthen your relationships. There is no better way of knowing your partner than through the raw emotions they show during conflicts. This article will explore the dynamics of conflict resolution and how you can sustainably settle your disagreements.

Why Is Conflict Resolution Important?

Conflict resolution is the only way to have good things come out of an argument. Without it, your relationship is likely to be void of emotional intimacy. Arguments start for various reasons, and resentment builds up when these issues go unaddressed. The distance starts to increase as you bottle up your frustration. Over time, this leads to isolation and weakened trust; you stop relying on each other. They are no longer the person you wish to go to for support. Instead, you feel like you are never heard, which makes it impossible to move forward.

In contrast, if you and your partner work through your fights in a healthy way, it strengthens communication and understanding. It allows you to grow and learn from your faults, bringing you closer together. Additionally, it creates a safe space for both of you, promoting intimacy and connection. Healthy conflict resolution is essential if you wish to have a happy long-term relationship.  

What Does Healthy Conflict Resolution Look Like?

Here is a step-by-step overview of how you can sustainably resolve your disagreements:

• Understand the Root of the Conflict

What is the reason your partner is arguing with you? Hint: it’s not because they are ‘’being crazy’’ or ‘’making a big deal out of nothing.’’ Fights always start for a reason, and while it is plausible that your partner is just cranky from a long day, this shouldn’t happen that often.

Try determining the cause of the issue. Is it because of an action: did you not do the dishes, or is it because of underlying feelings? By understanding the cause, you can address it rather than escalate the argument by getting defensive. 

When you refuse to fix the root of the problem, the fight intensifies into a contest of hurling insults at each other as you forget what started it all. Work with your partner to identify precisely where they’re coming from. Get to the real problem and fix it rather than just focusing on the superficial symptoms.

• Practice Active Listening 

You hear your partner, but are you listening to what they’re saying? Do you hear their perspective without interrupting them, getting defensive, or formulating your response as they’re speaking? If not, then you are not being an active listener. Instead, give them your full attention and be mindful of their concerns.

Summarize your understanding of what they’re saying to them to ensure you did not misinterpret anything. Then, ask them questions for clarification rather than jumping to conclusions. You can show your partner that their needs and words have your undivided attention through phrases like: 

• ‘’I understand you’re upset because…’’
• ‘’Just to clarify, you’re saying that you need…’’
• ‘’I want to understand this better. Can you share more?’’
• ‘’Let me make sure I’m understanding this correctly. You’re feeling this way because…’’

When you say things like these, your partner will feel heard. This will soften their approach. As a result, you can communicate more openly and fix the issue.

• Keep Your Cool

Emotions run high during arguments, so it’s easy to say things you don’t mean and cause irreversible harm. Here, emotional regulation is critical. The first thing you need to do is focus on the issue, not the person. Remember, it’s both of you versus the problem, not you versus them. Don’t make generalizations, or say things like ‘’You always do this’’ Focus on the specific behavior in the context of the issue at hand. 

It’s natural to feel angry, but you can prevent it from manifesting into something ugly. Pause and take a deep breath before answering if you feel overwhelmed. Try using ‘’I’’ statements; instead of saying ‘’You never listen,’’ say ‘’I feel unheard’.’ This will allow you to express your feelings without sounding accusatory. Consequently, your partner can focus on you rather than getting defensive. You’re more likely to foster understanding if you emphasize your own experiences. 

• Seek to Understand, Not Just to Be Right

In many conflicts, the parties are fighting to ‘’win.’’ No one likes being told that their actions are wrong, but nothing will get resolved if you keep that attitude. An argument is about understanding each other’s perspectives and finding a solution. Be curious about the other person’s point of view. Ask questions for better understanding, and look for common ground. This will allow you to work together as a team rather than treat each other as competition. 

Learning is the key to constructive and collaborative conversations. It’s okay if you were not born well-versed in certain skills; you learn as you go. Like many other qualities, empathy, nonjudgmental communication, and compassionate listening are not innate for everyone, but they can be cultivated with practice and education. 

An excellent way of acquiring the skills to help you understand your partner’s side better is through online bachelor social work programs. These teach you emotional intelligence, understanding diverse perspectives, and the importance of clear, compassionate communication. Social work education of this kind will help you develop healthy communication habits. Hence, you can go a long way in your relationships.

• Solve the Problem Together 

Once both of you feel heard and understood, it’s time to find a solution. Be open with each other. Brainstorm solutions together, and aim for common ground between the both of you. Remember that this isn’t just about finding a quick fix for the argument now. You will have to live with your decision for the entirety of the relationship. Don’t make any promises you can’t keep or compromises you can’t sustain.

You should be willing to compromise. Adjust your expectations where needed. It’s best to know that relationships require mutual give and take, and you can’t always do one thing while your partner does the other.   

• Apologize and Forgive

When you realize your mistake, you must sincerely apologize to your partner. This should include:

• Acknowledgment: ‘’I understand that what I did hurt you.’’

• Regret: ‘’I’m sorry that I did it.’’

• Promise: ‘’I’ll try my best not to do it again.’’

When apologizing, it is best not to offer explanations or excuses, as they can potentially negate the impact of your apology. Stick to taking responsibility for your actions. Similarly, forgiveness is equally as important. Don’t hold the argument over your partner’s head. Let go of your anger and move on from the past. This way, you can make room for new experiences that nourish your relationship.  

• Learn From Your Mistakes  

Every argument is an opportunity for growth. Learn from your mistakes to develop healthier patterns of behavior. Make mental notes of how you can handle your emotions better in the future. Remember, it’s okay to make mistakes as long as you learn from them. Be self-aware and always look for ways to improve yourself and your relationship. 

Conflict resolution is paramount for a good relationship. It’s not about avoiding disagreements, but learning how to navigate them constructively. Follow the steps mentioned above to resolve your conflicts and ensure the longevity of your relationships.