Taking the next step with your partner is always exciting. Whether you’re moving in together, getting engaged, or putting a label on your relationship, it shows you’re committed and want to consider your future together.
One of the biggest next steps to take with your partner is to have kids. Not all happy couples will have kids, but many couples decide to start a family together after at least one serious conversation. How can you make sure the conversation is productive and positive? How do you know when the time is right to ask your partner about getting pregnant?
Consult With a Doctor
A physician consultation for both partners is strongly recommended before trying to conceive. Many health or fertility conditions may present with no symptoms and can affect your family’s ability to conceive or carry a pregnancy successfully.
A physician can also improve your family’s chances of conceiving through fertility medications, treatments, and lifestyle change recommendations. You or your partner will also need to cease any oral contraceptives, if applicable, and ensure they are completely out of your system once you start trying for a baby. Some contraceptives may cause adverse effects in some people, such as Depo Provera’s link to brain tumors in certain patients.
A doctor’s visit can give your family a clean bill of health and ensure there are no roadblocks that can interfere with your timeline. You can head to the doctor as a couple or individually, before or after your conversation, but it’s an important step of the process.
Get the Timing Right
Starting a serious conversation about any subject with your partner when they’ve had a bad day, are in a bad mood, or are busy with other tasks can be counterproductive. They may not be able to listen or engage in productive conversation fully.
Choose a time that is best for both of you, not just one of you. A day off from work or a free evening may be a good choice. You can also schedule a miniature date night just for the conversation to ensure the timing and environment are right.
Choose a Calm Environment
You and your partner’s moods aren’t the only factors to consider when choosing the best time to discuss kids. You’ll want to choose the right environment, too. You’ll want to be physically together, if possible, to avoid any phone signal issues or miscommunication. There shouldn’t be a ton of background noise or important occasions happening simultaneously. You may want to be alone instead of in a public place unless the area is quiet, somewhat private, and appropriate for the conversation.
Don’t Just Talk, Listen
You likely have many passions, thoughts, and opinions regarding parenting and your potential timeline. However, your partner is half of the relationship and will do half of the parenting as well. The key to great communication includes good listening skills.
You’ll need to create appropriate pauses in your speech to listen well. Understand the concerns and preferences your partner brings to the table. If one of you will be getting pregnant, you may want to heed their concerns and timeline with more priority, as their health and goals will be directly impacted sooner.
Discuss Future Goals
Your immediate opinions and preferences are important, but so is the future. What will your long-term goals for your relationship, career, and parenthood look like? What will you want to have accomplished in all parts of life in six months, one year, five years, and ten years? If you or your partner want to climb the corporate ladder or travel the world, how will children fit into the equation? Consider all your goals and preferences before deciding.
Prepare for Immediate Changes
You may think you have at least nine months to prepare for a child (unless adopting), but some lifestyle changes will need to happen immediately. To protect you and your child’s health, the pregnant person will need to stop drinking all alcohol or using any non-prescription drugs.
Hormonal changes from pregnancy or the cessation of birth control can cause mood swings, cravings, migraines, and other disrupting symptoms. You’ll likely need to stop spending as much money on amenities and entertainment to save for a baby. In your conversation, make sure you’re both ready for these changes.
Select a Timeline
If you both agree to start trying for a baby, when will you get started—immediately? During the next fertility window? Or will you wait and delay having a baby for a year or two? When discussing parenting goals and plans, you should choose a timeline that works well for everyone. You should know beforehand what your preferences are so you can have a productive conversation.
Prepare for Conflicting Viewpoints
In your head, the conversation will likely go smoothly and perfectly. However, you’re both different people that may have different ambitions or timelines in mind. The key to a productive conversation is listening to understand each other instead of listening to reply.
You may need to compromise on certain conditions. No one should force you into something you’re not ready for yet, but you may need to be slightly flexible. Be honest, but don’t be rigid.
Consider a Therapist
Tough conversations are difficult for a reason. Not everyone practices productive discussions. It can be tricky to know how to resolve a conflict or disagreement when it comes to having kids. A therapist you both like and approve of can help mediate or resolve disputes when having a discussion. Consider therapy sessions to arrive at a choice that works well for both of you.
Conclusion
Planning to grow your family is a major decision that involves many lifestyle changes, not just for you but also for your partner. Healthy communication involves a stress-free environment, good moods, and excellent listening skills. With good conflict resolution strategies, you can weather any storm with your partner and show your future child what it takes to have healthy relationships.
