If you’ve just discovered your boyfriend or husband watching porn online – perhaps extensively – you may be feeling shock, anger, disappointment, betrayal, and more.  You also may be confused about what this means for your marriage.

Or, you might be very clear about whether you want to fix it or end it.  Many women feel if their husband has turned to pornography it means he is no longer interested in her or no longer finds her attractive.  This can take a toll on your self-esteem, to say nothing of your relationship with him.

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In reality, any reaction you have is understandable. There is no “right” way to feel about your boyfriend or husband watching porn. Everyone has different opinions about this highly-charged topic, and you have a right to your own, too.  Your reaction will likely depend on a number of factors:

1. How you found out: Did he tell you? Did you catch him in the act?  Did he leave the computer on and you found it by accident?
2. Your views on pornography: Do you consider it a fun pastime? A sexy turn-on? A crime against women? Do you have religious views that condemn it?
3. His reaction to being discovered: Is he denying it? Apologizing?  Minimizing?  Dismissing your hurt feelings?
4. The severity of the problem: Is your husband watching porn every day? Is it taking time away from his other activities?  Has it affected your sexual relationship? Is the porn he is watching violent or extreme?

One of the main conflicts that might arise here is that you may feel you’ve been cheated on and he may insist that using pornography is not cheating.  You may not be sure yourself what you think about that. There is a lot to consider here, and if you’re feeling overwhelmed, it’s only natural.

If this has happened to you, we can help you through this difficult time.  You might want to come in as a couple to work on repairing the damage that has been done, or you may want to come in on your own first to help you deal with the pain and shock of what’s happened. Either approach is just fine, and it depends on where you stand and what you need at this time.  If you’re not sure, call us for a free 20-minute consultation to help determine what the best path ahead is for you.

You’re not alone.  Many women have been where you are and have come out the other side. We’ll help you get there.