Save My Marriage!

I’ve noticed that a lot of requests for help that come through e-mail, text, or sites like Thumbtack.com list “save my marriage” as the reason for seeking help. So I thought I’d let you know in advance – I can’t do that.

A lifeguard can save someone’s life often even in the face of their resistance. They’re trained to swim to shore with a struggling, uncooperative victim. But I probably won’t be touching you during couples counseling, and I can’t forcibly make your spouse stop yelling or nagging or being lazy or whatever it is you think is the problem. In that respect, I can’t “save” your marriage.

What I can do is teach you to save it yourself. There’s a classic joke we therapists like to tell: How many therapists does it take to change a lightbulb? Just one – but the lightbulb has to really want to change. Ba-dum ching!

If you are hoping I will offer some silver bullet that will make the problem go away, I’m afraid I’m not your guy. I don’t have a magic wand or a metaphorical life-saver flotation device. If you plan to continue doing things the way you’ve always done them and wait for change to happen, I would say you should expect to wait a very long time.

But if you are prepared to hear points of view you may not have considered before; if you are ready to be a little humble and accept responsibility for things you may have done wrong; if you are ready to change the way you do things even when the way you do things is not objectively wrong – then I’d say we’ve got a fairly good shot at getting the life rope out to you.

If “save my marriage” sounds good to you, then get ready to swim. I’ll show you the way.

Learn more about our marriage counseling services here.